This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 170, Parenting in Scripture–Sharing Our Truths, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-sharing-our-truths
In one of our Grace and Truth for Moms sessions, we were discussing how to make the grace-filled truths that we are learning more a part of our lives, our thoughts. We have these toxic beliefs, as Connected Families calls them, that seem to run rampant in our minds. We’ve talked about those often here on Moms Take Ten. They could be beliefs about ourselves like “I’m just failing my kids.” Or about our kids like “They will never learn.” Or even about God like “He doesn’t care about us. If he did, he’d fix it!” When we live and parent from those beliefs, things do not go well, right? So instead, we follow the exhortation in Scripture to take our thoughts captive, making them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Then, we seek out what is true and cling to those. Sometimes, it feels like the toxic beliefs keep winning out over the grace-filled truths and so we talked about how we could bring our grace-filled truths into our day in increasing measure.
One idea that Connected Families gave was to share your truths with your kids, and this is what I want us to consider today.
I don’t know about you, but I spend a significant portion of my day talking to, or with, my children. Or being talked to! My kids are early elementary and they come home with stories and questions and an abundance of conversation. While we are driving home, playing games together, making dinner, and on and on as the evening unfolds, many words are shared back and forth.
There is so much potential in that time for us to share our truths with our children. Not only the grace-filled truths we are learning, but our hearts, our beliefs, our values, our testimony of God in our lives. Are we making the most of it? I can honestly say that often I am not. As I have thought about it this past week, I’ve identified three of my hang-ups.
First, in general, I am not the best at modeling through words and stories from my own life. Partly because I have a terrible memory, and partly because I simply don’t think about it. I’m too busy instructing! Telling them what to do and how to do it. But our kids learn through stories don’t they? We do too for that matter. We learn from others’ experiences. Jesus was a master story teller because he knew this about us.
I had a breakthrough moment the other day when one of my children was quite upset about the dinner options. “It’s hard to eat things we don’t like, isn’t it?” I found myself saying. “Can I tell you some things that I have eaten that I didn’t like?” And I shared the story of guinea pig in Peru and of grasshoppers in Thailand and then of a favorite dish of my family that has never been my favorite. The kids were all listening intently, asking questions and have since referred to that conversation many times. Why had I never handled that conversation like that before? It was so much better than “deal with it!”
If I can do that about food, surely, I can talk with them about what Jesus is teaching me. Because that matters so much more! Psalms 66:16 says, “Come and listen, all who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for me.” When I read that during my quiet time the other day, I immediately thought of my children gathering around me as I shared a story with them. About their adoptions. About how he carried me through my dad’s death. About having all our cash stolen in a foreign country and how God provided. About people secretly delivering food and gifts when I was younger and my dad was out of work. About how sometimes I question God’s presence but then I remember what the Bible says.
We can invite them to consider the Lord all throughout the day. And it doesn’t have to be a big sit-down hour long conversation. It can be as we are driving to school and I say, “this has been a harder morning. I’m so glad that God is with us.” Moses spoke of this when he addressed the Israelites in the book of Deuteronomy. “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart,” he said.” “Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deut 6:6-7).
This is where my second hang-up is. As we were discussing this in group, I became increasingly aware of how different my conversations are with others compared to with my kids. With the women in my groups, or my friends at church, or my family on the phone, it is so natural for me to share what God was doing in my life. And not in long sentences but by adding, “By God’s grace” or “God led me to” or “I’m so thankful God…” I realized that I edit those parts out with my kids. I am missing out on opportunities to use quick little phrases that tie what is happening in my life to him and the work he is doing and in doing so invite them to consider him in their daily lives. Connected Families says, “What you believe, model and talk about in the toughest times of life are powerful opportunities to build resilience and overcome faith in your kids for their toughest times.” I would add , what we are saying in the good times lays the foundation for what we will say in the toughest times. It lets our kids know that God isn’t just someone we turn to when things get rough. He’s who we get to do all of life with and delights in being there.
When the Apostle Paul was writing to the Thessalonians he said, “We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become so dear to us” (1 Thes 2:8). This verse has stood out to me since I first read it. Paul could have seen the believers there solely as a ministry, a project, a job, but he went beyond that to seeing them as people to be in relationship with and so he opened up himself, his heart, to them. This is my third hang-up. With my kids, I am doing life with them constantly. But I’m not always sharing my life, my experiences with them. Some of that is appropriate. They don’t need to know all that’s going on in me. They are not my counselors or my confidants. I want to protect them and let them just be kids. That doesn’t mean, however, that I can’t or shouldn’t share some of my struggles and challenges and things I am working on. When I open up, I let them know that we are all in this together. I model dependency on Christ. I show them what it looks like to live with him. I create an environment of grace.
I think that this is hard for me because of the humility and vulnerability required to share my mess-ups. After watching the movie Meet the Robinsons a year or so ago, I was inspired to start celebrating what we often see as mistakes and failures more with my kids. I wanted to create a culture that recognizes those as learning opportunities not shameful or embarrassing moments. But as we sat around sharing, I realized how hard that was for me! There was some work that God needed to do in me, and still does if I’m honest, to help me really believe that he does indeed redeem all. As we do that work with the Lord, and open ourselves up to our kids, we let them know that perfection isn’t what is expected and that they too are safe to make mistakes. Sharing our grace-filled truths with our kids invites them to create and believe their own. That’s what I want the culture of my home to be like, don’t you?
How can you share of yourself, your grace-filled truths, your experience with God with your family today?
Lyssa Stoyko 