This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 166, “Parenting in Scripture–We All Need Jesus”, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-we-all-need-jesus
The women of my church are reading the first half of the book of Romans in their Wednesday study and I’ve been reading along with them. In Romans 2, Paul is challenging the listeners about being judgemental towards others, in particular, Jewish believers being judgemental towards Gentiles. His words hit my mama heart hard. Let’s read Romans 2:17-24 together. I’m reading from the Christian Standard Bible.
“Now if you call yourself a Jew, and rely on the law, and boast in God, and know his will, and approve the things that are superior, being instructed from the law, and if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light to those in darkness, an instructor of the ignorant, a teacher of the immature, having the embodiment of knowledge and truth in the law— you then, who teach another, don’t you teach yourself? You who preach, “You must not steal”—do you steal? You who say, “You must not commit adultery”—do you commit adultery? You who detest idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? For, as it is written: The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”
He’s basically saying, “do you live up to the same standard that you expect other people to live up to?”
This is a question that I have felt the Holy Spirit asking in many moments of parenting, specifically during correction. It’s like he’s saying, “Now you who call yourself a mom, claiming that you know the right way to do things, that you are mature as a grown-up and as a believer, and if you are convinced that you are here to teach and guide and correct your children–you then, who teach another, don’t you teach yourself? You who preach, “Don’t yell at each other”–do you yell at them? You who say, “You must control your temper”–do you control yours? You who detest rudeness and disrespect, are you also rude and disrespectful? You who boast that you believe in God, do you dishonor God by sinning against your children?”
With my hands, with my voice, with my facial expressions, with my actions, with my attitude, am I living up to the same standard I expect my children to live up to? To that, I can honestly say, “Sometimes!” and many times, “No, I’m definitely not.” Because I do yell. I don’t always control my temper. I speak rudely or disrespectfully to them. I sin against my children. We all do as moms, don’t we? We are not as different from our children as we would like to be.
This is frustrating to realize, isn’t it? I want to be able to say, “Look at my righteousness. Look at how awesome I am. This is how you should be.” Instead I find myself saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you that way.” “I get it. I mess up too.” “We are all a work in progress aren’t we?”
We are still the parents. We still have the responsibility to coach and correct our children. The Holy Spirit’s prompting is designed to coach and correct me in how I do that, to change my heart posture towards them. In the next chapter of Romans 3, Paul tells his listeners, “The righteousness of God is through faith in Jesus Christ, to all who believe, since there is no distinction. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ.” (v 22-24)
This is the message of the gospel, that we can never live up to the standards we set for ourselves, much less the standard that God has set for us–namely, perfection. Our children will fall short and so will we. This realization should bring us to our knees in humility, acknowledging our need before him, and thanking him for the grace and mercy he so freely gives. It should change the way we react to our children’s sins and mistakes and plan childishness. Rather than coming in judgement, we come in understanding and point to God’s grace.
I had a chance to practice this the other day as one of my kiddos came home in a funk and really targeting one of their siblings. We talk a lot about making things right between each other and one of the ways that we do that when someone has been mean with their words is by saying kind things. So I asked this kiddo to take some time and get their heart ready to say kind things. Well. That was just the worst thing I could have asked them to do. There were tears, there was yelling, things were thrown, paper torn. It was a start stop, start stop process for almost 45 minutes. I got hit by a flying Christmas tin that I’d neglected to put away weeks ago. It was challenging and exhausting for sure. I kept thinking, “I’m trying to help them choose kindness. Lord, please help me be kind!”
It’s hard to choose kindness in those moments, isn’t it?
One of the prayers we pray as we are driving to school is from Colossians 3:12. “Lord,” we say, “please clothe us in your compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Sometimes we throw in some other fruit of the Spirit just for fun. And as my children are praying that prayer for themselves, I’m asking God for the same for me. Because I need his help to do this. We all need his help, don’t we mamas? We need him to help us stop picking at the splinter in our children’s eyes and to deal with the beam in our own (Matt 7:3) so that we can more clearly see how God is calling us to coach and correct our children.
More than his help, we need to just know him. In the Sensitive and Intense Kids course from Connected Families, one mom shares a testimony of how God changed her response towards her big emotion kiddo. She said “She wasn’t being disobedient or trying to frustrate me. She was actually struggling. I had the opportunity to meet her in her struggle, which is exactly what Jesus does for me.” Our perspective on Jesus and how he meets us, responds to us, what he has done for us, shapes how we meet, respond to, and do for our children. So, how do you view him? We actually did an episode on this that I’ll link in the show notes. Does he listen to you or is he dismissive? Is he constantly disapproving or does he welcome you with open arms? Does he expect perfection or does he understand your weaknesses? I love the verses we find in Romans 5, “For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. For rarely will someone die for a just person–though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (v 6-8) And later on in chapter 8, we read “He did not even spare his own Son but gave him up for us all. How will he not also with him grant us everything?” (v 32)
He is for you, mama. He is with you. He loves you and he meets you with his amazing grace.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about how I responded to one of my children refusing to get in the car to go to school this morning after going on a wrecking spree throughout the house. I could have been more empathetic. I could have used a gentler voice. I could have taken a little more time to help them work through it rather than rushing. They have some things to make right when they come back home, but so do I.
“Blessed are those whose lawless acts are forgiven and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the person the Lord will never charge with sin.” (Romans 4:7-8)
Lyssa Stoyko 