What Feels Like A Step Back

This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 145, What Feels Like A Step Back, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/what-feels-like-a-step-back

This is not the episode I thought I was writing when I sat down. I was supposed to be working on a Moms in the Bible episode about Mary and her experience of the resurrection. Afterall, we celebrated Resurrection Day just yesterday so it seemed fitting. But this is where my fingers, and I think God, took me. 

My brain can go to weird places sometimes when I read the Scriptures. For example, Lazarus is raised from the dead. Everyone was crying. His sisters were so distressed at his death, and the fact that Jesus hadn’t intervened to save their brother. And then suddenly Jesus calls out to him and out comes Lazarus, with his grave clothes still on. And everyone thinks, “Wow! This is amazing!”

And I think, “What a minute! Where was Lazarus when he died? Was he in Heaven? Was he in Abraham’s bosom? Was he just resting somewhere? Because if he was in some place good and peaceful and suddenly he came walking out of the grave all wrapped up realizing he’s back on earth, I’d be really disappointed if I was him. Meaning, really mad.

I have the same questions when we read Matthew 27. Christ having done all he was supposed to do on the cross, gave up his spirit, and the whole earth responded. The curtain was torn. The earth quaked. Rocks were split. And, the tombs were opened. The opening of the tombs makes sense in light of the earthquake, since they were made out of rock. But then it says that some of those tombs held saints, and after the resurrection those saints came up out of them, appearing to many. Saints, these were people who believed, who were righteous, and suddenly they are back in this broken world. “WHY?!” I would ask if I was them. “Why am I back here? It was hard enough the first time. I don’t want to do it again!”

Think about Jesus himself. Yesterday we celebrated his resurrection. Our savior not only died for our sins but he defeated death entirely so that all of us could have new life, eternal life, through him if we believe. For thirty three years, he had walked this earth. He who was used to and made for the glories of heaven clothed himself in a mortal body with sneezes and sicknesses and, the worst, hiccups to live in a sin-filled world of dust and no plumbing and hatred. Finally, his work on the cross was finished, and he rose from the grave victorious, and yet he didn’t ascend straight to heaven. That’s where I would want to go if I were him. Who wants to come back here and eat fish when you could have the delicacies of heaven? And yet that’s what Christ did. He sought out Mary in the garden. He journeyed the dusty road to Emmaus with two of his followers. Rather than being worshipped by all the angels and elders in the heavenly places, he entered a dingy room so that he could be poked by doubting disciples. He sat on a sandy beach instead of his majestic throne so that he could cook for and speak to Peter. He made it to heaven eventually, but first he came back to earth.

Do you see my struggle point? I want the good, the better, the perfect, the peaceful. Like, I just want to be clear here. If I die, do not pray me back. Do not ask for a hospital room miracle. Let me be with Jesus, alright?

But in all seriousness. Have there been times when you found yourself back in a situation that you thought you were done with? Or facing a diagnosis that you thought you had beat? Or struggling with a sin you had previously claimed victory over? Been there, done that. Or so we thought. So why are we back there again? It can be frustrating, disappointing, discouraging, down right angering. 

We can start to doubt ourselves–maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I didn’t grow as much as I thought I had. Maybe I’m just unlucky, cursed, whatever name you put to it. 

We can start to doubt God–maybe he doesn’t really love me. Maybe he isn’t as powerful as I thought he was. Maybe he didn’t really answer my prayer.

I have been in a season of renewed struggle. Things have gotten hard again and internally, I have felt as though I’m back to where I was two or three years ago. As though all the work that I put in over those years to change my parenting responses, all the prayers and times spent seeking God to renew my mind and give me his perspective, all the hours spent with my children to help them learn and grow, as though all of it has been for nothing. 

Can that be true? Can it really have been for nothing?

Not if God is who he says it as and does what he says he does. Not if the Scriptures are true.

When Lazarus was sick, Jesus actually prophesied what would happen and why it would happen. “This sickness will not end in death,” he said. “But is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” (John 11:4) Well, that sounds awfully selfish doesn’t it? God only focused on his glory and not thinking about us. The very next verse corrects that doubt. “Now Jesus loved Martha, her sister and Lazarus” it says. (11:5) That’s what’s amazing about God, his glory is linked to his expression of love for us. He is love. He is glorious. The two cannot be separated. So him allowing Lazarus to die and then raising Lazarus from the grave was an act of love. For Lazarus. For his two sisters. And also for those watching who would be moved to faith in Christ as a result of their testimony.

Remember the saints who came out of their tombs after the resurrection? There’s nothing said about them after that. However, think about it. These were people who believed in God, they were righteous, and some of them may have even followed Jesus while they were alive. They wake up to hear about the events of the past few days–Jesus was killed! Jesus is alive! Surely, their own faith would have been bolstered. And those that saw them, their faith would have been bolstered as well. God is the God of miracles. Others could have been moved to testify as the centurion did in Matthew 27:54, just one verse after we learn of the saints rising. It says “When the centurion and those with him, who were keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they were terrified and said, ‘Truly this man was the Son of God!’” (27:54). The saints were part of the testimony of who Christ truly was to those they appeared to. That he wasn’t some man, some false prophet, some wayward rabbi. He was in fact the Messiah.

And Jesus. The one who deserved to be in Heaven for all of eternity yet chose to spend thirty-three years down here with us. He spent the time after his resurrection fully focused on the hearts and faith of his followers. That’s why he sought out Mary and soothed her heart with his presence in the garden. That’s why he walked the road to Emmaus and took such great pains to explain to them how he fulfilled the scriptures from Moses through the prophets. That’s why he let them poke him so they would believe that he truly had risen from the dead. That’s why he sat with Peter, affirming his love and his forgiveness for and his call on Peter’s life. He came back so that we, all of us, would believe and be in relationship with him, experiencing his amazing love and grace.

He had purpose in each of the three situations that we looked at today, and he has purpose in our lives too. It might look like the same situation. It might be the same sin. It might be the same diagnosis. But we are not the same person. We have journeyed with the Lord since the last time we faced it. Even if it was just a day ago. Lazarus was only in the grave for a few days but when he came out, things were not the same. His sisters were not the same. He himself was not the same. God is always at work in us. The Holy Spirit is always pruning and growing and shaping us. That’s what he does. So if he sees fit for us to revisit something or to face it anew, then there is more work, deeper work, different work that he is going to accomplish through that. So that at the end of it, we will once again be a little different, a little changed. This too is for his glory, and a demonstration of his love.

And one day, Mamas, as we have talked about so many times before on Moms Take Ten, one day we will no longer return to these broken places. One day, we will leave all this behind once and for all to embrace the eternal glory set before us. We know this is true because he not only died, but also rose again. We know this is true because Jesus made it true. One day Mama, one day. Oh what a day that will be.