This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 141, Moms in the Bible–The Canaanite Woman, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/moms-in-the-bible-the-canaanite-woman.
I’m not a quitter, per se. But I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fighter either. In conversations, I don’t fight to make my voice heard. In meetings, I typically speak only when called upon. I tend to accept answers I’m given even if I don’t agree. I don’t like conflict and to speak up or challenge or question feels like conflict. Or just too much work. So maybe it is a mix of avoidance, anxiety and apathy. And also despair. I can go there pretty quickly. A silly example of this is when I order something and I don’t think it tastes good. I don’t want to eat it. I don’t think I should have to pay for it. But I find myself handing over my credit card and going home with a box of food that I’ll eventually throw out. I do that in many areas of my life, for better or for worse. Can you relate? Or is it just me?
But as a mom, I can’t just stop. The stakes are higher than paying for food I don’t like. What I’m facing now are real needs that need to be navigated. Real situations that require my active presence. Which is why I admire the mom in the Bible we are talking about today. She knew what it was to fight for her child, for herself. She didn’t take no for an answer, even when the one answering her was Christ. It’s a story that is a little confusing to me, to be honest. I’m not going to attempt to explain Jesus’ responses and all that is happening, just share how her example spoke to me.
Her story is found both in Matthew 15 and Mark 7. I’m going to share my own combination of the two passages as they each provide important details.
Jesus was in the regions of Tyre and Sidon. He went there, not wanting anyone to know of his presence. But that didn’t happen. There was one woman in particular who sought him out. She was a Canaanite woman, meaning she wasn’t Jewish, she was gentile. She had a young daughter who was demon possessed. As soon as she learned Jesus was in her area, she went straight to him, shouting to be heard. “Show me mercy, Son of David. My daughter is suffering terribly from demonic possession.” Jesus didn’t answer her. The woman kept shouting, asking for mercy. So the disciples urged Jesus, “Send her away; she keeps shouting out after us.” Jesus replied, “I’ve been sent only to the lost sheep, the people of Israel.” But the woman came up and knelt before him. “Lord, help me.” she pleaded. Jesus answered her, “The children have to be fed first. It isn’t right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes, Lord” the woman answered. “But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall off their masters’ table.” “Good answer!” Jesus exclaimed. “Woman, you have great faith. Go on home. The demon has already left your daughter.” And when the woman went home, she found the child lying in her bed with the demon gone, having been healed right when Jesus said so.
Do you see how persistent and courageous she was?
First, she seeks Jesus and begins to plead her case. It says she is shouting, which to me seems like she started calling to him as soon as her eyes could see him in the distance. And she kept at it. Even when he didn’t respond. Even as she got closer and closer and she knew that he could hear her. She continued to call out her request. She didn’t care who else was there. She didn’t care what people thought of her. That’s how it seems to me. Many there probably already knew her as the mom of the demon possessed girl. Or the mom of the crazy girl. Or the mom of the problem child. She probably had quite a reputation. And now she was the crazy mom of the crazy girl. Shouting and shouting for all to hear. Pleading, demanding to be acknowledged.
How she says it stands out to me. “Show me mercy, Son of David. My daughter is suffering terribly from demonic possession.”
Those two lines point to both her and her daughter needing help. Her daughter was suffering from demonic possession. The mother was suffering from the caring of and witnessing of her daughter’s suffering. Different, yet both still in need of mercy. And if Jesus shows the mom mercy, then the daughter will benefit too, and vice versa.
I am in a season where my children are facing some struggles, challenging behaviors and emotions. It’s been hard. And sometimes I forget that my child and I are on the same team. That it is us together working to respond, to fix, to heal, to learn from the struggles. Sometimes I let the struggles get in between us. (We talked about this idea of team problem solving in the fall with Tara Prevo. Such a good episode to listen to!) But really, it is us together against the struggles. Sometimes my prayer comes out for myself. Sometimes it is specifically about my child. Either way, Jesus’ answer helps us both!
I’m preaching to myself here really, but maybe you also need that reminder.
Back to the story, the disciples eventually get fed up. Now, they weren’t exactly known for their patience and tolerance so who knows how many times she had to shout for them to get exasperated. Maybe just twice! But the text implies more, to the point that she was bothering them. And they were probably feeling protective, knowing that Jesus hadn’t wanted to be found. Interestingly, it is their involvement that breaks Jesus’ silence. As he finally speaks, the woman makes her move.
She kneels down at his feet. An act of humility, and deference, but also courage to place herself so close, so in the middle of all the people. She didn’t let herself be put off by his first response. Rather, she took it as an opportunity to engage in dialogue.
“Lord, help me.” she says. And again he seems to put her off.
Her humility continues to be on display, as well as her boldness, as she responds to him. She says she’s willing even to eat the crumbs off the floor if it means her daughter will be well. “I’ll take the scraps Lord! Just help her! Help me!”
She persisted. She didn’t give up. She wasn’t put off. She was bold yet humble. And she received what she was asking for. This reminds me of the Shunammite Woman from a few months ago. Remember her? She didn’t let the death of her son and the prophet’s attempt to pass her off to someone else stop her from pressing in for help, for Elisha to rectify the situation. Nothing is too far gone for the Lord, we said. The Canaanite Woman’s story tells us the same. It is a truth we need to be reminded of over and over because the temptation to give up, to despair, to lose hope is ever present.
I let myself believe, “This child will never learn.” “This behavior always happens.” “Things will never get better.” “This situation is hopeless.” Those statements deny what the Scriptures say about our God. They deny his characters and his promises.
Take heart. (Jn. 16:33)
Don’t be afraid. (Is. 41:10)
Be anxious for nothing. (Phil. 4:6-7)
Don’t become weary. (Gal. 6:9)
Press on. (Phil. 3:13-14)
That’s what the Scriptures say to us. Why?
Because he has overcome the world. (Jn. 16:33)
He is with you, always. (Is. 41:10)
His peace will guard you. (Phil. 4:6-7)
What you are doing will produce a harvest. (Gal. 6:9)
There’s a reward ahead that he’s prepared for you. (Phil. 3:13-14)
How this applies to motherhood will look different depending on the season you are in.
Maybe you are fighting to stay calm and present as your child rages.
Maybe you are fighting for your child to gain access to the services they need.
Maybe you are fighting on your knees for your child’s salvation or for them to return back to the Lord.
Maybe you are fighting to protect them from the influences of this world that are flooding their devices and their minds.
Maybe you are fighting for your child to know, to believe, they are loved and wanted.
We fight internally, we fight relationally, we fight in many ways on behalf of our children. The Canaanite woman had probably tried many other things. Sought help from other people or doctors or priests. It was only at the feet of Jesus that she found the long awaited answer to her prayers. That’s the key part to all of this. It isn’t just us and our children against the struggles, it is us and our children AND Jesus against them. He is on our side. He is the one who can bring about the victory.
From the Canaanite woman’s story we learn that even if it seems Jesus isn’t listening, he is. Even if it seems like he won’t answer, he will. Even if the timing isn’t what you thought. Even if it turns out differently than you expected. Even then, persist. You are doing good work! I know it’s hard, wearying even, but it’s good work. And the promises of scripture are for you no matter the season or the situation you are in.
Image from John Heseltine / Pam Masco / FreeBibleimages.org.
Lyssa Stoyko 