This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 140, Parenting in Scripture–Generous Wisdom, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-generous-wisdom
There is, most of the time, a lot of noise in my house. When my kids were younger, it was mostly in the form of yelling and laughing. I distinctly remember a period where my kids would jointly yell for several minutes after dinner and then promptly devolve into laughter. Imagine four toddlers voicing their glee at the top of their lungs. On one such night, my husband found me in the kitchen eating cookie dough out of the refrigerator just to soothe my overstimulated body. I wish there was a video of that moment because it was so comical.
Fast forward a few years. We still have lots of yelling and laughing but now there is a good bit more conversation and questions. So many questions. The whats, the whys, the whos–as in, “who would win, Captain Marvel or Iron Man?” coming from the boy dressed as Iron Man to the Mama dressed as Captain Marvel, or “what is a boo-boo bear?” which I thought was some sort of teddy bear toy then later discovered it is first grade code for boyfriend. Harder questions too like, “When will I see my birth mom?” whom they’ve not seen since they were two days old. Or “is he dead? Is he excited for heaven?” as we processed through a loved one passing away.
My kids often ask questions directly, but other times it takes some sifting to figure out what they are really getting at. And sometimes, I am learning, they are asking a question without asking a question, if you know what I mean. As in through their behavior, or through their anger, or through their tears, or the stories they are telling, or the way they are playing. A long while ago I shared something on Instagram about how on average kids ask 300 questions a day, especially in the 3-5 year range, fewer as they get older. You can do the math on how many questions are being asked directly or indirectly a day in my house. So very many.
Sometimes I think I do a stellar job answering their questions. Other times I either miss their point completely or I’m short or frustrated or annoyed or I lecture or any of the other unhelpful ways one might answer a question. Which brings me to the verse I want to highlight today because it convicted me. James 1 is a power house chapter for parents. It talks about finding joy in trials (meaning even in the challenges of parenting!) and the good that God can do in us through them. It talks about the good gifts God gives us. It challenges us to be quick to listen, slower to speak and slower to become angry. And for those of us in foster care and adoption, it holds one of our anchor verses, “Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” (v.27). There is so much good stuff in this chapter!
In the mix of all of that is Verse 5 regarding wisdom. It reads, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (ESV) And we say, “yes Lord. more please!” But do you notice how he gives it to us? Generously and without reproach.
Generously. You can’t ask for more than he has to give. You can ask and ask and ask and he gives and gives and gives, readily.
Without reproach. The NLT says “He will not rebuke you for asking.” Meaning you won’t weary him with your requests. He doesn’t become exasperated by our pursuit of wisdom from and in him. He welcomes it. He doesn’t just have it available, he’s willing, even delighted, to fulfill our request.
That is such good news for this wisdom needy mama who is constantly asking Him for more.
And it is convicting for this mama who is trying to reflect Christ to her children.
Because I am often not generous and unreproachful in my responses to my children’s many direct and indirect requests for wisdom. I am quick to exasperation and frustration. Especially when I’ve said it before and I think I did a pretty good job of it too. So why can’t they just get it?!
Why can’t I just get it?
Because we are all in progress. We are all imperfect. We all need generous and unreproachful wisdom.
As my children grow older, my prayer is that they will increasingly turn to the Lord for wisdom first and foremost. In the meantime, I am here to help guide and point and build it up in them. That’s actually one of the parts of the Connected Families framework that we talk a lot about–building wisdom is a key part of our child becoming capable and taking responsibility for their own actions. So, when I don’t take time to answer their need for wisdom now, I’m actually setting myself up to have to respond to many, many more requests. And sometimes, those requests become bigger and more challenging when not handled early on.
So, instead of asking, “What now?!” I can ask, “What’s the opportunity here?” as Lynne Jackson often says. The questions our children ask, directly or indirectly, are opportunities to help foster wisdom in them and to point them to the Lord. To go from which superhero would win to the kind of person that we want to be. To go from what first graders call boyfriends to navigating schoolyard relationships. To use questions about birthmoms as opportunities to help them continue to process their adoption story. To go from a meltdown to teaching about our body and emotions and self-control.
James chapter 3 returns to the topic of wisdom. “Who among you is wise and understanding?” James asks. “By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom.” Isn’t that interesting? He says that wisdom should be cultivating gentleness in us, which is another way we could say that God responds to us when we ask for wisdom. Not reproachfully, but gently in his generosity. So as I am growing in wisdom from the Lord, I can more gently help my children in their own search.
Come my children, and let us see
what new wisdom the day may bring.
Lyssa Stoyko 