This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 117, “Parenting in Scripture–The Glory In Us”, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-the-glory-in-us
Have you ever had the thought, “If only they knew what I was really like?” or “If only they knew how I really thought?” Sometimes we are painfully aware of our flaws, our sins, even as we desperately hope that no one else notices. I have found that in parenting any attempts to hide my flaws and my sins are virtually pointless. First of all, I’m not so good an actress that I can keep up the facade for long! Second of all, the way that I often hide one sin is by committing another. Don’t let them see I’m weak. So I act self-sufficient and self-reliant. Don’t let them see my fear. So I unleash my anger instead. Don’t let them see the anger. So I stuff and hide and lie about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking.
The reality of this sometimes leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. I always have a long list of things I want changed about me. Not the outside of me, but the inside of me. Lord, the pride, the self-righteousness, the anger, the fear, all of it! Please take it away!
I started to yell at my kids one night. One of my kids was having a huge meltdown. An all hand on deck sort of meltdown where my husband and I tag teamed to help our kiddo process through it. Those moments are all sorts of things for me–the crisis worker in me comes out even as the sensory avoider gets increasingly more overwhelmed. As I stepped out of the room so my husband could step in, another one of my kids needed me. They didn’t want to do what I’d asked them to do. Their face had determination written all over it. They had locked into their decision and were not going to budge. After a couple of back and forths, I saw red. I closed the door to their room, not too nicely, and yelled to my husband, “I’m leaving!” Bless that man, dealing with a tantruming child and now a tantruming wife, he just said, “OK!”
Fortunately none of my neighbors were outside as I stormed towards the walking path. I was really having it out with the Lord internally. I had failed, again! I’d lost my temper. I hadn’t been a safe person for my child. I hadn’t shown unconditional love. I was angry about that, but I was furious by what felt like the absence of the Lord. Where was he?! Why didn’t he stop me when I was getting mad? Where was the peace he promised? Why don’t I ever change? Is he even working? Whew. Mamas, it was like a fire hose of angry, frustrated, hopeless questions and accusations.
Have you ever felt like that? It is a miserable feeling.
One night after that I was reading Romans chapter 8. The ESV, which is what I memorized Romans 8 in, says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with glory that is to be revealed to us.” The phrase “glory revealed to us” always raises up images of Heaven and God, and the glory that the book of Revelation emphasizes. Majestic, powerful, sovereign, awesome glory that brings us to our knees in worship.
The Bible by my bedside, however, is an NIV Bible and I was struck by how they translated the verse. Listen to this: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Did you hear the difference? It’s so slight yet it struck me deeply. “The glory that will be revealed IN us.”
I leaned back on my pillow and I began to ponder not just who God is and what heaven will be like and what life will be like there, but who I am going to be there. How I am going to be there.
All that I wrestle against inside myself here will be no more. Inside of me will no longer be marred by sin and shame. Instead, I will be glorious. The struggle that I experience daily with my flesh, with the pride and self-righteousness, anger and fear and all the rest will be gone. In its place will be freedom and wholeness and goodness. I will finally, fully, reflect the image of Christ.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel. What an amazing truth.
When I start to feel hopeless, I can remind myself of that.
This struggle that we live in now is a reminder to us that things are in fact not how they should be. We are limited, and recognizing our limitations is what moves us to dependency on Christ. Parenting is hard! Relationships are hard! Life is hard! We can acknowledge that while still acknowledging God in them.
Romans 8:23 says, “we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.”
We are waiting. Waiting for the glory that is to be revealed in us. And when it doesn’t seem to come soon enough, we can cling to 2 Corinthians 4:16-17.
Paul says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
Inwardly we are being renewed day by day. Right now. It’s happening in you right now. God is at work in you at this moment. And the one before this. And the one after this.
The glorification that we will experience in Heaven is not an isolated event but rather the culmination of the work of Christ in us in this life.
Sometimes we are so busy looking at all that still needs to be fixed that we miss what he has done so far. There are probably a million different ways that I could have handled things that night with my kids, but when I look back, I see how the Lord moved me out of the house so I didn’t inflict any more damage on anyone and so I could have time with him to get some things right. I could have stayed in my home, yelling and demanding and getting increasingly dysregulated. Instead, he helped me recognize that I was sinning and he helped me stop. More than that, when I went back inside, he helped me repair and connect with my children in a way that ended the night beautifully.
Yes, I sinned. Yes, there were things I would do differently. Yes, I needed to apologize. And also, yes, God was with me. Yes, God was helping me. Yes, my children saw God’s grace and love in me, eventually.
Lyssa Stoyko 