This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 95, Parenting in Scripture–Kindness Takes Patience, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/kindness-takes-patience
Hey Mamas, if you listened to last week’s episode, you heard Jamie Clifton talk about Romans 2:4, that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. That is actually a verse that I have been thinking a lot about. At the end of December, I did a four day challenge with Joy Wendling of Created to Play, and she also talked about that verse. I have heard the part about God’s kindness leading us to repentance numerous times, but when Joy read the whole verse, I was really struck by the first part. Let me read it to you now.
The ESV says, “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”
The NLT puts it like this, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from sin?”
Let me put this in context a little bit and then connect it to parenting. The previous chapter, chapter 1, Paul opens his letter to the Roman believers with a greeting, and how he thanks God for their faith, and how it is through faith in Christ that lives are changed. Romans 1:16 is Paul’s famous declaration, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ”. That is his mission in life, to proclaim the good news so that many will come to faith in Christ. He then paints a picture for the Romans of what life without faith in Christ looks like, and why a life like that is deserving of God’s wrath. His description is full of traits that no one would want to claim “a debased mind,” “all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, etc.” We look at the list and go “tsk tsk, that person really needs a savior.”
Paul, ever aware of the way the flesh works, knows our propensity to look at others and not ourselves and he comes out strong in chapter 2 verse 1. “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” Just when we were getting comfortable in our judgments of others and our self-righteousness, Paul pointed a mirror at us. Oh that’s right, we ALL have sinned and fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). I too am a sinner worthy of God’s judgment. I too need a savior.
It is in this forced self-reflection that Paul asks the question, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from sin?”
God had every reason to pour out his wrath on us time and again. Every time we sin, his holiness would be justified in enacting a swift punishment. Verse 5 tells us that there is a day of wrath coming when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. On that day, verse 6 explains, God will render to each one of us according to our works. Why doesn’t he do it in the moment? Why hasn’t it happened yet? Because he is kind, yes. But more than that. He is tolerant and patient in his kindness.
Here is where it spoke to me as a mama. The phrase “kindness leads to repentance” can almost become formulaic. If I am kind, then my child will repent. If I am kind, then my child will stop misbehaving. If I am kind, my child’s heart will change and the sinful behavior will stop. Insert kindness here and receive the desired outcome. Immediately. And if that doesn’t happen, well then, goodbye kindness.
There was a reel trend not too long ago on instagram where parents were filmed carrying off their screaming, tantruming children and the caption read something along the lines of, “If you see me yelling at my child, just know that I asked nicely four times first.” Or something like that. And I unfortunately related far too much for that. I use my kind voice once, maybe twice, and then my voice gets a little louder and a little edgier, and then the full volume comes out. The kindness didn’t work, therefore, out it goes.
We’ve all been there, right?
Let’s put this in a little perspective though. God’s kindness was not a one time thing. His kindness was bound up in his tolerance and patience, and he has been that way towards people for thousands of years. He’s been doing it with you and me for decades. Why are we so quick to scrap it with our children in a matter of minutes?
One thing that Joy said during our challenge is, “We do not have an excuse to live outside of the fruits of the spirit for the sake of teaching our children.” When she said that, I leaned back on the couch and thought, “Oh dang.” There is never a parenting technique, tool, or response that God will ask us to use that does not embody the fruit of the Spirit. To ask us to do something different would be to go against who he is, his character, which is what the fruit of the Spirit is afterall. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
So Romans 2:4 highlights the power of kindness in bringing people to repentance, while also recognizing that it takes time. Our kindness towards our children is never wasted, even if we don’t see the desired fruit right away. First of all, because we are obeying God when we are kind. Second, we are showing God to our children by modeling his character. Third, because God uses our kindness in his work on the inner places of our child’s heart.
Even when we correct our children, we should do so in kindness and patience. Even when we set and hold boundaries, we should do so in kindness and patience. And here’s the beautiful thing. When we talk about the fruit of the Spirit, we are talking about something that we have continuous access to as believers, because the Spirit himself is living inside of us. He never stops growing them in us, never stops offering them to us, never stops equipping us with them. It can definitely feel harder at times to access them, and to show them, but they are always available to us.
The other beautiful thing is, when we mess up, when we snap at our kids, when we abandon kindness for anger, when we act out ourselves, God’s kindness and tolerance and patience is for us also. He is slow to anger towards us. He offers us opportunity after opportunity to repent, to try again. He doesn’t expect you to become a perfect parent overnight. He banks on that not happening. He wants us to lean into him day by day, minute by minute. So when we fail, we can turn to him in repentance, receive his forgiveness, and be fortified by his presence for our next moment of mothering.
Lyssa Stoyko 