This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 92, “Parenting in Scripture–The Opposite of Anxiety”, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-the-opposite-of-anxiety
I saw a reel on Instagram of a young woman sharing what she had learned from her therapist. She said that the opposite of anxiety was not, in fact, calm. As in, “just be calm,” “don’t worry, “think of something happy.” Instead, the therapist said that the opposite of anxiety is trust. This is something that many therapists and others in the field of psychology agree on. Dr Siggie explains it like this, “Trust in ourselves, in others, and a sense of trust in general. It’s when we feel that grounding feeling of trust, reliance and dependability that we can begin to calm.”
As I watched that reel, verses came to mind declaring this truth, but specifying it. The Lord has been teaching us this for hundreds and hundreds of years with one caveat, our trust should ultimately be in him. Yes, there is a sense where we can trust ourselves, that we know how to do something, to trust our capabilities, and decision making and boundaries, etc. There is also a sense where we can trust others, and, generally speaking, the world around us. But more than that, as believers, our trust is anchored in the Lord. Let’s look at some of the verses that speak of this.
The one that is perhaps the most clearly stated is Isaiah 26:3-4, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” Isaiah is making a clear link between a person at peace and a mind full of trust.
There’s also 1 Peter 5:7, which is a familiar one for many of us: “casting all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.” What is interesting about this verse is that it follows a conversation about submission and humility. Verse six states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” It is a vulnerable thing to place yourself under someone’s else’s authority. It requires a laying down of control, of claimed rights, of our own way. That, for many of us, is anxiety inducing. The humbling of ourselves, the giving of our anxieties to the Lord is an act of trust. When we do those we show, and state, that we believe he does truly care for us, and that he will indeed lift us up at the right time.
Paul gives us some more detail about this process of casting our cares and receiving peace in the book of Philippians. In our October Parenting in Scripture episode, we talked about how the book of Philippians is all about joy. Throughout the entire book, Paul anchors joy to the Lord and the person of Christ Jesus. He shared a poem in chapter 2 that detailed the humility and incredible act of love of Christ in coming down in the form of a man, dying for us, and then being exalted by God over us. Then, in chapter 4 he says, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
“The Lord is at hand” is tied to “do not be anxious.” Because he is near to us we can turn to him. More than that, we can trust that he listens when we do turn to him. How will we know that he listens? Because we will receive his peace. He takes the anxieties and replaces them with something that is actively guarding our hearts and minds. This is so much more powerful and transformative than simply telling yourself “Don’t worry!” “Think happy thoughts!”
Now, what we think about is absolutely important. I’ve said the Connected Families phrase, “focus is fertilizer” before on this podcast. The scriptures themselves teach on being intentional with our thoughts. In fact, the very next verse in Philippians is all about our thoughts. The difference between “don’t worry!” and “think happy thoughts!” and what is taught in scripture is that the words of the Bible are actually anchored to something, or should I say someone, who is real, has substance and power, and can actually address the anxieties that we have. Saying, “I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok” is unhelpful if I cannot point to why I am ok. What is it founded on? Without anchoring it to something or someone, it is merely a platitude, a wish, a temporary comfort. “I’m ok because God is with me.” Now that is truth. That is from the promises of God. That changes things.
Let’s read Paul’s guide for what thoughts to have, in verse 8 of chapter 4. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
What does all this look like?
We take our anxious thoughts and bring them to the Lord. We ask him to help with the situations behind them. To speak truth where there are lies. To bring change or help where it is needed. To bring peace where there is none. This could be in the briefest of moments as we rush to help our child, or on our drive to yet another practice, or in the quiet of the night as we climb into bed. Short or long prayers, he hears them both.
We also give God thanks, as Paul noted in Philippians. Reminding ourselves as we give the Lord the thanks he deserves, that he is in fact working, that he has worked before and he will do it again. This is yet another area that we see what the Bible teaches being proven by science as the field of psychology often talks about how gratitude helps with anxiety. Why? Because it draws us out of the tunnel vision of our problem to see the good at play. And gratitude to the Lord draws us out of our despair that nothing and no one can help, and reminds us of his goodness and power and help and love and the many other incredible words we could use to describe him. Put simply, gratitude builds trust through remembrance. And trust is the opposite of anxiety.
Prayer and thanksgiving are two ways that we keep our minds stayed on the Lord. And as we go about our day, we funnel our other thoughts through the filter that Paul provided us. We give the Lord the thoughts that don’t meet the criteria and we embrace the ones that do. We join him in the renewing of our minds and this builds trust. Because all of the other thoughts, all the anxious thoughts, are trust destroyers. They call into question God’s goodness and presence and power. They fret, “Nothing can be done about this” but the Scriptures declare that nothing is impossible for God (Gen. 18:14, Luke 1:37). They moan, “I’m all alone in this” but the Scriptures assure that nothing can ever separate us from God and his everlasting love (Is. 41:10, Matt. 28:20). They cry, “It’s hopeless” but the Scriptures teach that we have been born again to a living hope (1 Peter 1:3). For every anxious thought we have, there is a truth of Scripture that we can hold fast to. Isn’t that amazing? As he was writing his story, God knew the anxious thoughts we would wrestle with and he provided promises and testimonies for us to cling to.
This is how we endure as parents. This is how we parent well. I can speak from experience that an anxious mama is a struggling mama. As we grow in peace, our ability to love and coach and correct our children increases, because that peace is founded in our relationship with Jesus Christ.
But before we translate all this into our parenting moments, just sit in this truth for yourself. As a believer in Christ, he is there with you. He loves you. He is for you. He is working in you and through you. You can trust him. Lay your anxieties down at his feet and receive his peace that surpasses all understanding.
Lyssa Stoyko 