This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 83, “Parenting in Scripture–Rejoicing in Repetition” , which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/parenting-in-scripture-rejoicing-in-repetition
Imprisoned, the apostle Paul penned a letter to the church in Philippi in the early AD 60s. One of the prison epistles, including Ephesians which we looked at last month, Philippians is a short letter, only four chapters long. Coming to verse one of chapter three we read, “Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you is no trouble to me and is safe for you.” Paul’s statement here is interesting to me: “To write the same things to you is no trouble to me and is safe for you.” If you look back at the two previous chapters of Philippians, you will see that he had already talked about joy and rejoicing nine times. After this verse, he would use those words five more times. He spoke of the joy he felt when praying for the Philippians, how he rejoiced at the furthering of the gospel, and how all believers should rejoice in the Lord. This could, from this short epistle, be an episode all about rejoicing.
That is not, however, what I want to focus on. What stood out to me was Paul’s attitude about his repetitiveness. He said it was no trouble to him. As a person who really does not like to repeat herself, I find that perspective so fascinating. Our society even has sayings against repeating ourselves such as, “How many times do I have to tell you?” “Don’t make me tell you again!” and “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.” We like to say things once and be done. If I must repeat myself, I can easily think, “you weren’t listening to me,” “you don’t care about what I was saying,” or “you’ll never learn.”
Not Paul. He recognized the benefit of repetition, so he gave himself gladly to it. His reasoning was that it was a safeguard for the church in Philippi. The more they heard something, the more they would remember, the more likely they would be to believe it and live it, and the less likely they would be swayed by other teaching.
Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 11:1 that we can imitate him because he is showing us the way of Christ. That means that his outlook on repeating himself reflects the heart of God. We see this played out all throughout Scripture. God himself intentionally repeated themes, phrases, and even prophesies. How many verses deal with the issue of sin? How many verses talk about God’s love, grace, or forgiveness? In the story of Abraham and Sarah, God spoke to Abraham seven different times of his promise to multiply his family and to use the blessing that Abraham receives to bless others. Abraham and Sarah, as we know from our episodes on Hagar and Sarah, needed those reminders. They needed to know that God had not forgotten them, that he was still going to do what he said he was going to do, that he saw and cared about them still.
The concept of repetition is all throughout the sciences as well. Think about your child’s development: all the things he or she did repeatedly as babies and toddlers and children to learn and master a skill. There are numerous blogs, articles and books about habit building for both children and adults. Some teach that saying something three times helps us remember it, others recommend seven times. Habits might take 30-60 days to make and 21 days to break. Everyone has a number for something. The number of hugs a person needs each day. The number of times someone needs to hear “I love you” before believing. There are books that grab hold of this idea by promising results within a certain time frame, such as, “Have a new kid by Friday: How to change your child’s attitude, behavior and character in 5 days.”
Character, emotional regulation, and impulse control are just some of the categories that take time for all of us to learn and grown and master, if we ever truly master them this side of heaven. As parents, we can latch on to the idea of a certain time frame and then grow weary, frustrated, even angry when our child forgets or still cannot do what we ask or expect. Or, we do not believe them when they say, “I can’t remember” or “I don’t know how.” In the rare quiet moments that we have, if we pause for perspective, we can acknowledge that it takes time to learn something new. I am sure that there is a list of things that you have been learning since the time that you were a child yourself. I am also sure that there are many, many moments when you are frustrated with yourself for continuing to struggle in an area that should have been or was previously mastered, yet suddenly feels so hard all over again. Have you ever yelled at your child? Or became impatient with them? See what I mean. We are all still learning. We all forget at times. We all need reminders. How much better for us to have someone come alongside and encourage, champion and hold accountable rather than nag and criticize and punish?
There is a familiar passage in Deuteronomy that speaks to this topic. Moses is speaking to the Israelites, teaching them how to live and worship, and he says:
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Moses emphasizes that these commands are the way to life. They are not intended to be burdensome, restrictive without purpose. They are actually to help, to guide, to protect, to enable them to live. David declares this in Psalm 19 saying,
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
8 the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
9 the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Because of the value of these words, God’s words, Moses exhorts the Israelites to surround themselves and their families with them. We are to teach them diligently to our children. To be diligent is to show care and conscientiousness in how we teach. The Hebrew word used means to sharpen something. One commentary puts it: so that they may pierce deeply into their hearts. This metaphor signifies the manner of instructing them, that it is to be done diligently, earnestly, frequently, discreetly.[1] Another commentator says to “often repeat these things to them. Be careful and exact in teaching thy children.[2] We are to be repetitive, intentionally so, in the raising up and the teaching of our children.
The statement, “To say the same things to you is no trouble to me and is safe for you” is a good one for us as parents to embrace. It does require work on our part, though. It requires us to ask the question, “What’s going on in me?” that Connected Families has taught us to ask. Why do we get frustrated when we have to repeat ourselves? What are our expectations? What desires to we need to lay down for the sake of our child? How can we choose an attitude that is willing to step into the situation from a coaching perspective in order to help our children?
There is also the question: Am I repeating something that should be repeated? Paul said it was no trouble to him because he knew that what he was teaching was good and safe for his hearers. When we are intentional about what we are teaching our children, and not making up rules or saying things out of our own desires or sinfulness or tiredness, we can be thankful for the opportunities to repeat, to teach again, to reinforce and therefore to care for and guard our children.
As we wrap up, let me add that repeating something to our children does not necessarily mean saying the same words with the same tone and the same facial expressions every time. We can phrase things in a myriad of ways to help our children digest what we are saying. We can use stories, songs, verses, role play, and pretend play. We can use questions to help them remember or to help them more deeply understand. We can affirm them when they practice or demonstrate understanding and growth. We can put up visual reminders or check lists, set timers or make calendar appointments. Our repetitiveness, or recurring teachings, can be as diverse as we want them to be, and as benefits our children.
So, Mama, when you are repeating yourself yet again, take a deep breath. Thank the Lord for the opportunity before you. And care well for your children with your words.
[1] Benson Commentary accessed 9/27/2023 https://biblehub.com/commentaries/deuteronomy/6-7.htm
[2] Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary accessed 9/27/2023 https://biblehub.com/commentaries/deuteronomy/6-7.htm
Lyssa Stoyko 