Summer with Encanto–What Else Can I Do?

This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 24, “Summer with Encanto–What Else Can I Do?”, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/summer-with-encanto-what-else-can-i-do

The song “What Else Can I Do?” from Disney’s Encanto might be my favorite of the movie. It is a song of discovery, hope, creativity, and a mending of a relationship that was previously tense and full of misunderstanding. Mirabel goes to her sister’s room with a specific goal in mind. She doesn’t like Isabella very much, and doesn’t think that Isa likes her, so her plan is to get what she needs quickly and leave. Things don’t work out as she had planned. In the midst of an angry back and forth, where feelings that were previously hidden are suddenly out in the open, a new plant appears. Now, if you’ve never seen Encanto, you are probably thinking “What?!” Each member of the family Madrigal has a special gift that is to benefit that person and those around them. Isabella’s was to make flowers appear. So far, she had only made beautiful, perfect roses. In her raw and honest outburst towards Mirabel, a new plant pops out, a cactus, and Isa is stunned. So she sings:

“I just made something unexpected
Something sharp, something new
It’s not symmetrical or perfect
But it’s beautiful and it’s mine
What else can I do?”

It can be such a beautiful thing when our children discover something new that they can do. When they are babies, we celebrate right along with them. We watch for each milestone, cheering on their attempts and success with clapping, smiling, and lots of “you can do it!” Seeing the looks of wonder, delight and pride on their faces when they know they did something new, something unexpected, is so much fun. 

As they get older, though, things start to change both in them and in us. The risks that they are taking in trying something new might be bigger than we want them to take and our fear calls them back. Or our children are the ones who become fearful about trying new things because they don’t want to get hurt, or embarrassed or to fail. As our children get older, our days also feel shorter and our lives busier so we no longer take the time to pause and cheer them on. Giving them opportunities to practice putting on or tying their shoes or buckling their seat belts can stretch our patience to the breaking point as we keep looking at the clock. Along the same lines, we begin expecting more from our children in terms of responsibility, obedience, and self-discipline. Moments of discovery and creativity can often occur spontaneously when we are focused on something else. When we are distracted or focused on getting them to obey instead of tuning in to what they are working on, we can miss chances to encourage them before asking them to shift gears.

Unintentionally, we can be like Mirabel, focused on our goal and missing the opportunities to foster creativity and skill building in our children. See, when Isa was swept away in the wonder of what she had created and excited to see what else she could do, Mirabel was trying to call her back to what Mirabel wanted. Gradually though, Mirabel begins to tune in to what is happening around her, and instead of trying to stop Isa, she joins her and encourages her.

The question “What else can I do?” takes our children on a journey of discovery, of failure and success, of experimentation, of creativity and imagination, of mind work and heart work. What a wonderful question to teach our children! 

In her book Grit–The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela Duckworth talks about the different ways that people approach life. Some run into the challenge, delighted to have something new to figure out, and others run from it, sticking to what they have already figured out. The ones with a lot of grit are the ones who are like Isa, asking “What else can I do?” The ones with a little are content to stay within the bounds of comfort. Where does your child fall on the scale? 

I have one child who gets easily overwhelmed by new tasks and wants to give up quickly. Another does not like the fact that she can’t do things and gets very verbally expressive but she is determined to figure it out. But both are elated when they learn something new and cannot wait to show me. Grit, creativity, intellect, they are not static. Our children can grow in them. So can we!

I would say I have average grit. I definitely do not like putting myself out there. I struggle with insecurity, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and I like to stay where I am comfortable. I can be quite the avoider. I can also be quite determined. I have found ways to push myself out of my comfort zone in incremental steps that have grown me, and have caused me to marvel at what I was able to do, what God did through me.

I want that for my children. When my oldest is ready to quit, I want to sit next to him and guide him through the process of pushing through discouragement and failure. When my youngest is angry but determined, I want to celebrate her perseverance and what she learned about herself. 

Let’s not be so quick to take over for them when a task gets hard. Check in with yourself to see if your fear is helping them or hindering them from trying and learning. Empathize with them when things are hard and they want to give up, but don’t let them get swept away in the emotion and miss the potential that is there. Create space for them to play, explore, and try new things. Find something they enjoy and help them go deeper into it, learning even more and gaining new skills.

And you mama, what else can you do?! Not in a “let’s add another thing to my list” sort of way, but as a different outlet for you that brings you joy and helps you be a better person. You can even do this with your kiddos. Say, “Let’s try learning this together!” Find one new thing you can do this month or season. There are so many possibilities–a class to take, a sport to try, a craft to make, a subject to study, a song to learn how to play or sing, a recipe to make, a project to tackle. Find a new volunteer or service opportunity that will push you out of your comfort zone but that you might discover that you enjoy it. You are not going to be good at everything and you aren’t going to like everything. That’s ok! It is still good to try, to give yourself the chance to discover a new thing you didn’t think you would enjoy but you actually do. Or to discover a new skill you never knew you had.

In all of this asking “what else can I do” is a chance to learn more about who God created you to be and how he can use those things you delight in, the skills that you build, and the pursuits you take on for his glory. For our kids, we get to be used by God to call out of our kids the beautiful things he put in them and wants to grow in them. Be curious about what’s inside them. Marvel at the ways that he made them. Ask with them, “What else can you do?” or “What else can we do together?!” Celebrate with them the wonder of it all as they discover it for themselves. “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14)