This post is from Moms Take Ten episode 9, “Perseverance in Motherhood with Brittany Loosa”, which you can listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at https://sites.libsyn.com/403493/perseverance-in-motherhood-with-brittany-loosa
Lyssa- I am excited to have my sister-in-law, Brittany, joining us today for a conversation on perseverance. Welcome Brittany!
Brittany- Thanks for having me! I’m so excited to be here.
Lyssa- So happy to have you! When you got engaged to my brother in 2014, you were living and teaching in Honduras. And that meant you moved back to the States to start your life together. You found a teaching job in Connecticut. Can you tell us what that job was like?
Brittany- Yes. So I taught fourth grade in two different settings. There was a lot of a learning curve coming from a christian school in Honduras to a public urban school. The students had a lot of trauma coming into the classroom and a lot of the behaviors that I saw, unfortunately, stemmed from that. There were some extreme examples. Some chairs being thrown. Desks being tipped over. A student tried to stab me for writing a paragraph. But more of the common ones were defiance, refusal to complete work, refusal to stay in the classroom or come in the classroom. You know, your normal fourth grade sass and attitude.
Lyssa- I remember being absolutely amazed that you didn’t quit numerous times! But you didn’t quit right away. Not for even a couple of years. So, what helped you persevere?
Brittany- The short answer is the Lord. The Lord helped me persevere. The Lord really helped change my heart to see the kids for who they were. To see more than just their behavior and misbehavior. He also helped me kind of separate myself from the behavior and not take it personally, because so often it comes across as being targeted at the person who is giving the command or demand. But the behavior was often the result of external circumstances, things happening outside of school. So, writing the paragraph wasn’t the real reason for the anger, but it was an extra hard thing on top of a lot of hard things that had already felt out of control.
And then two, in hearing their stories and learning more about the obstacles they were faced with daily, the Lord really gave me a heart to see through that misbehavior and to see the brokenness that truly was present. My classroom became a mission field to somehow show these students the love and the hope that they were so desperate for. And in that, he helped me really renew my passion, my vision, and my purpose for teaching in these schools.
There were still many times I came home crying, and Mike can attest to that, all the times I felt defeated and broken. But the Lord continually showed me how he loved these kids, and how much he wanted these kids to experience his hope and his love. So instead of seeing the school and the classroom for the educational purpose that it was, it became more of a place to provide safety. But it is amazing the questions that these fourth graders would ask because they knew that I knew the Lord. Some even came asking for prayer. And so, even in those small pieces of fruit, the Lord, I think, was kind of helping encourage me along. Like, “You are doing it!” It doesn’t always look pretty. It’s not always perfect. But he was gracious to give me eyes to see this fruit in the classroom. So, I think all of that together helped me stay even though many times I still wanted to quit.
Lyssa- So you stayed there until your sweet oldest was born. Tell us a little about your littles.
Brittany- So I have a daughter, Adelyn, and she is four. Jacob is now two and a half. Our youngest, Elliott, is nine months today.
Lyssa- Britt, you and I have talked many times about how parenting is not the easiest. And there are many behaviors and attitudes that we face from our own kiddos, or, Lord help us, that we exhibit ourselves that make it really, really rough. Taking what you have learned from your job, but also what you have been learning about perseverance through parenting, how can we as mamas persevere when it is just so, so hard?
Brittany- It is so hard. And even in getting ready to say some of these things, the Lord has shown me (and I know I have shared with you) I have to be reminded of this daily. It is not like you or I have it all together.
In some ways I find perseverance in parenting so much harder than in my classroom because, while thankfully I am not getting chairs thrown at me now, seeing the trauma in my students kind of helped me have grace for them. Because they were victims of their circumstances. Whereas now, with my children, they are being raised in a God-centered home. Though far from perfect, they have safety, positive experiences with others, and I praise the Lord that this is the life he has given them. But it is easy for me to think that because of the home they are in and the way they are being raised, that they should act differently.
But, the truth is that they are still sinners. My kids do not yet know the Lord. Even if they did, they still need Jesus just as much as I do. If I, a Christ follower, who is indwelt with the Spirit still get angry, lack patience, sin, how much more should [I expect] my children? Yet God has been so very kind and patient with me in all of my shortcomings. Because of his abundant patience with me, I should then be spurred on to seek the empowerment of the Spirit to be patient towards my children.
Parenting is so much more than just fixing misbehavior. While that is still very important, God has called us to disciple our children, helping them see and understand our need for a Savior. This is long and hard work. God is still working on me and I can, with his help, continue pressing in and leading my kids in this way.
I’ve been reminded of 2 Peter 3:9 recently. It says, “the Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you. Not wishing that any should perish but that all should reach repentance.” We don’t understand his timing, but we do see his character and his heart here. He never ceases in patience and he desires repentance. God wants our kids’ hearts. Lord willingly, this perspective can help us deeply grieve the sin we see and continue to work diligently for the Lord.
Another thing is seeking the Lord daily. You know, are we on our knees for our children? Are we reading the word? My time with the Lord looks so different now with three littles than it once did, and I think that sometimes that can be even discouraging in itself. But, I truly believe the Lord will use the time that we want to be with him, and it is not in vain. And the Lord will use his truth to help transform our hearts and to love our kids in spite of their misbehavior and sin.
Another thing that I think you even mentioned in your Foster Care and Attachment episode is focusing on some of the good. Focus on the fruit you see. What are we seeing God do in our kids’ lives? Are we seeing them have more patience towards siblings? Are we noticing them using kind words more? Are we seeing them even singing these Bible songs? What are we seeing in our kids?
But in those days when it is hard to see things in our kids, we can also see fruit in our own lives. I think that is one thing that the Lord has really been encouraging me in. This is not just “let’s save our children!” but the Lord is still working on my heart. So if I am, maybe, exercising more patience, or if I am pausing in a moment of frustration to pray and come to the Lord, that is fruit too! The Lord is sanctifying me to become more like him, and therefore, hopefully, to be used more with my children.
Lyssa- Yes, I think God is so kind to us in giving us little glimmers, little moments here and there, that say “I am here. I am working. I am moving. This process of sanctification is not over yet.” [Because of this] we can have hope, we can have joy and we can have extra abundant patience when we then see the harder things.
Those are some beautiful, awesome points for how we can continue to grow in our perseverance as mamas. Thanks so much Brittany for your time with us!
Lyssa Stoyko 